Book 2-3 Interludes – A Stand-Up Act – Festival of Silver – A Tomio Routine (Tomio’s point of view)
Gathering in monument square is far out. The kingdom is all here, and they all seem to be excited for the day’s activities. Man, these flowers are awesome. The sun is shining, and it is a beautiful day.
As I am admiring this wonderfully cultivated gazebo, I start to hear the voice of a young red-headed girl. I thought she worked in the stables when I visited the castle last month. She says that her name is Gith and she’s the High Councillor – wow, she must be super qualified, or maybe this job is just more stable. Chuckles to himself
Anyways, she’s here to announce who won the stag hunt. I wonder if my new friend Kvasir did alright? He said he was going to participate. Where is he anyways? I bet he’s feeding his bear again, Orso. Oh, and look at that he won. And she’s holding up a silver bow and he’s nowhere to be found. Oh well, better buck next time to the rest of them.
I wander past some pumpkins and tell them that ‘life is gourd’ and the stem curls ever so slightly around my finger, then lets go, as I continue on.
Hey there’s a candle booth here. A strange place for a booth, but perhaps a bright idea for these entrepreneurs. A human man, maybe a little older than me if these young women are his daughters, waves me over and offers me a free candle to promote their new shop. He introduces himself as Jaymen Zorn.
I thank him for his kindness and tell them I’ll ‘candle’ it with care. I get a deep throaty chuckle out of his largest female companion. And she smiles and says she appreciates a good laugh. I smile as tell that I do too.
One of the other girls starts complaining about it being ‘too bright dad’ and okay, confirmed it, must be father, reminds her to put on her sun goggles. They look to be of gnomish design, very similar to sunglasses some other folk in bigger cities sport. He then tells me that they are fresh to surface, and I tell them it’s great to have them here.
I then turn to the one who was complaining and ask her how to make an elephant invisible? She looks confused so I lay it on her. Put a pair of sunglasses on them. They all look confused – perfect, lining it up nicely. Then I hit them with – Have you ever seen an elephant wearing sunglasses? Delivered with a smile and a wink causes another chorus of laughter. Man, if feels good to spread joy. I thank them again and continue over to this beautifully crafter gazebo.
A little while later I see Kvasir and welcome him. The high councillor tells us of the day’s activities – there’s a race that should be some fun…oh and the winner gets to be her champion and get to be on council. Neat. And a big dinner and fireworks after. Sounds like a lot of sun and games. My kind of day. Oh there are even going to be some performances. I find Baron Drael and tell him I’d be happy to do a routine some point today. He later tells me I can warm up the dinner crowd. Everything’s going to be brie alright!
A little while later we are lined up along the edge of the park, there are quite a few of us, oh hey even Baron Drael is trying out. And two of those wonderful candle makers girls. Maybe they’re each just looking for a match. Smiles to himself
Gith tells us that there are series of obstacles as we make our way to the Tuskwater and that the first one is to dodge water balloons! What a far-out celebration this town holds. And before we are all off. Whoa that one girl can run. Oof, I think Kvas just hit me, never mind, gotta keep running.
I hit the next obstacle and it’s a rope to climb a tree and my heritage pays off as I scamper up the rope with ease. Onto the next challenge. It’s log rolling. I slept like a log once but had dreams of ending up in a fire. Ugh, oh man this is heavy. Hey that chuckly half-orc candle girl is damn strong, she’s the only one not slowed down by this. She’s already at the beach. Phew, might just need a moment. I take a seat and ask the log why it’s just laying around?
That’s when the cries from the beach reach my ears and I can see from here and a writhing purple mouthed monster, taller than some trees has grabbed the strong girl’s sister! It’s time to help and I leave this dead log behind.
As I rush towards the beach, Baron Drael is already there and flings a signature fireball at it. He’s getting fired up now! Eww it then like spits thick white saliva at him.
Whoa the king is rushing up, and Baron Finn too. And whoa! That strong girl just jumped the cliff.
I make it in range and try to yell it a stinker to throw it off. “What did the ocean say to the shore!?…Nothing, it just waved!” …my voice resonates in ear holes or something, but damn that joke was too funny to nauseate it. Gotta be less funny.
Oh yea, my new friend Kvasir and Orso are pitching in too, and they hit it with an arrow. The monster seems to realize it’s over its head and starts to move away, but wait, the strong, throaty laugh girl is jumping in the air after it and ‘oooh’ that is some dead flacid purple monster. Her hammer with right through its one eye.
The girl who it grabbed is unconscious, so I rush up and ask her – How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!” and as my hand rests upon her arm she regains consciousness. Then Baron Finn is giving her potions. And my buddy Kvasir heals her too – twigs and vines seeming to stitch her back together.
Everyone is okay, thank goodness. The strong girl, her name is Aila, is named the winner and the high councillor’s champion. Good for her. Walking back with Kvasir, Drael comes up and tells me that I get to open for dinner.
That’s great, but when I get there seems to be some other performer who has monopolized the stage with a bunch of prop boxes. Man, I hope I am good enough, I didn’t bring any props.
I drink some water and do some vocal warm ups and once people start mingling around looking for places to sit I wander the crowd, delivering fresh humour to prep their appetites. The crowd loves it and I end with, ‘And if you don’t like tacos, then I’m not your type!” – So much laughter. It fills my bucket, ya know?
As I start to wander off, the other performer, Cal is his name, says that he’s glad I warmed up their laughter. I get some serious bad vibes from this guy. He may even be harshing my performance, so I just turn the other cheek and tell him, ‘Nature loves balance, I filled them with laughter…it’s your turn to fill them with sadness.’ And then I go join Kvasir and Orso for some good food.
Then Gith addresses the crowd again and says for us all to enjoy the food. There is a lot of it! And I never knew stag could be prepared in so many ways. It is far out, but the baked chestnuts are what really stole the show this meal.
While we are eating, Cal starts performing. Oh, it’s satire, ugh, so not my jam. Tried it once, but I felt icky afterwards, ya know? Wow this guy is kind of cruel. And very niched, maybe it would make more sense if I was from around here.
Oh, hey there’s the king wandering up, hey does that guy have a blue wig. He wouldn’t dare. Oh, good the king is interrupting him and man that was a terrible fake trip, your highness. Whoa the guy just went through a magic door and disappeared…and now is across the field near the welcome tent – nice place. He then jumps on a ghost horse and starts riding away saying “so long suckers, see you next year!” …Who was that guy?
The king then gives a nice speech and calls that guy garbage, I mean if the king says it, who am I to argue? And then thanks everyone for coming and raises a glass and cheerses with Gith. That’s nice. Man, that guy sucks, ruined all my hard work.
After dinner we are invited over to a clearing for dessert, but there is a large flowery arch, breathtaking really the craftsmanship. And we are served Blueberry toast, very sweet and delicious. Oh, we are all going to be a part of someone’s wedding. Looks like they will eat, drink and be married. Chuckles to himself
Well to say the least, Baron Finn is quite eloquent and the wedding of Keston and Lily is very moving and makes me miss Asami even more. I hope the kids have been good for her. Oh, they will be the first noble family. Right on. Oh, they even blended their names – Garess-Weaver. That’s sweet. And they kiss – at length. And now fireworks…again.
Kvasir, Orso and I sit together on the hillside, overlooking the Tuskwater. The fireworks are incredible. Large, colorful, dragons – this show has everything. That Baron Drael has some talent when it comes to pyrotechnics.
As I sit and marvel at the awesomeness of what I am witnessing I realize that this would be so much better with the family. I have helped avenge my old friend and hopefully helped them figure some stuff out for Lyrontell, but I must be getting home. I guess I will bid my goodbyes in the morning and be off.